Sunday, September 24, 2006

Tri-colored Collection of Roses

There is a vase full of half blossoming, half drooping roses on my kitchen table. They appeared in the staff lounge at work on Thursday, just in time for the building staff meeting, so everyone could see my name on the card. Who are they from? Boyfriend? No. Girlfriend? No. Dad? No. Mom? No. Who? I wasn't about to tell them the flowers were from an RA in the dorms who would probably like to be my boyfriend, but never will be. Why is it the boys I have no interest in dating are the ones who do the sweet things for me, while the boys I would like to date, or even do date, never do sweet things? (well, that's not entirely fair - the last boyfriend did one or two sweet things, but in a much less spontaneous, much more I-feel-I-should-do-something kind of way) Am I destined to be that girl who always attracts guys she has no interest in having more than a platonic relationship with?

On the positive side, a boy cared enough to do something extra nice and special for me. And they are really pretty roses. In fact, my feelings on the whole rose situation are much like the roses themselves: half blossoming and cheery that someone cared enough to do something that sweet, the other half drooping and disappointed that they aren't from someone whose feelings I can reciprocate.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Quiet

#1 misconception about working at a deaf school: “That must be really quiet.”

No, it’s not quiet…ever. Some days deafness seems like a blessing. When two or three different students are yelling (not words, just yelling) for attention, the AC is blasting full tilt, and the piercing pitch of the bell goes off, I pray for quiet. Instead, the bell signals a herd of stampeding children rushing to get books. Planners belly flop onto the floor. Desks are shuffled in the mad dash out of the room. Taking my ‘post’ in the doorway I am bombarded by the sound of lockers slamming shut. Teachers are talking across the mêlée. Footsteps hurry down the hall.

The scratching, dragging noise of dancing desks starts again as a new class files into the room. Everyone who wants my attention shouts at a varying decibel and pitch level. Ever been yelled at by someone? Not a yell of anger or frustration, not a name shouted across a room – just shouting. An indistinct, uncontrolled, brief, piercing, whoop or yelp. Even teaching isn’t quiet. Someone is repeatedly clicking their pencil, trying to get the lead out. Another student is humming to themself, unaware that I can hear them. The impact of various signs sends smacks, slaps, and taps reverberating around the room.

And that’s on a normal day.

Today, they are putting a new roof on the building. Until this morning, I was unaware that sledgehammers must be used to pound on roof tiles. The throbbing noise just above my head suggests that must be the case. Either that, or they are dropping bowling balls on the roof. When even the deaf kids notice the noise, you know it is bad. Outside the tar melting machine continuously drones, and I’m reminded of standing directly next to Dad in the yard, trying to yell over the sound of the stationary lawn mower left running. All of this is in addition to the day-to-day noises.

Quiet in a deaf school? Only if you can turn your hearing aids off.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Thunderstorm

Lots of thoughts rattling around right now, but I just feel like writing, so here is the second draft of a piece I started in class today (I love writing with my kids!):

I awoke from a deep sleep, unsure of what time it was or even what day it was. A loud rumble of thunder brought me to my senses. The bedroom shook around me. Picture frames rattled on the walls. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to look at my alarm clock. 3:22 a.m. - just a few more hours until I had to get up and start my day. I should really be asleep. But the storm was drawing me in.

Outside, the rain pelted down on the pavement, the trees, the porch. A bright flash of lighning exploded through the room. I froze, eagerly anticipating the thunder that was to follow. Mere seconds later my excitement was gratifed with thunder so strong I thought it must be on top of me. Sleep; I should be asleep. No way of sleeping now. How could I sleep through something so cool? Briefly I contemplate getting up to watch the storm from my window, but I know from previous attempts that the bedroom window isn' the best for storm watching. Just listening will have to suffice, unless of course the storm gets more intense. I get cozy in bed, as the storm rumbles around me. Closing my eyes, the steady, soothing lull of pouring rain sings me to sleep.


Clearly unfinished. Feedback is appreciated!

Sunday, August 13, 2006

City Girl in a Country World


Friday night I went to the Missouri State Fair and rodeo. Having never been to either of these things before I was unsure what to expect, but I like to think of myself as a "country friendly" person, so I was excited for the adventure, and figured I could hold my own. There was a hat on my head and yeehaw in my heart. The hat did not prepare me for the world I was about to enter; it merely created the appearance that I belonged.

Don't get me wrong, the whole thing was great, just a little....surreal.

We ate turkey legs. HUGE turkey legs. Those turkeys must have been doing some serious squats. I felt like I should have been swinging it about shouting for more meade. My inability to finish the gargantuan turkey leg left me a little disappointed in myself, because it was seriously awesome. If this is a staple of state fairs then I have seriously been missing out.

The newness of the situation increased tenfold when we got to the rodeo. I was handed what appeared to be a program upon entering, and thought, "there's a program for this thing???" I tried to read over the event sheet and figure out what they all were without being too obviously ignorant. Thankfully we weren't sitting by too many people at first, and my friends all knew it was my premier rodeo experience. It was like being in a movie. In fact, for the first couple of events I was reminded of Brokeback Mountain, as it was up to that point my closest experience with a rodeo. The non-movie moment was the beginning, when we were asked to stand and remove our hats...not to sing the national anthem, no no, to pray. At a public event. Over the PA system. This was perhaps more shocking than the whole remainder of the evening. I expected cowboys to get hurt. I expected big horses and bulls. I expected lots and lots of boots and hats.

I did not expect praying.

There were only 2 major "city girl" moments. Granted, there were A LOT of things I was surprised by and didn't know, but only 2 times that it was clear I was not from these parts. The whole concept of being able to rope a moving animal is a little insane to me, and I was completely in awe of those who were responsible for roping the hooves of the calves during the team roping. Seriously, how do you rope the hooves of a moving animal? The smallest part to rope, and it's running - I just can't believe it. I expressed my awe as well as my surprise that one cowboy missed to the friend sitting next to me. The woman in front of me (who, mind you, was wearing a plaid flannel shirt, hat, boots, and buckle that all matched her husband's) turned around and looked at me as if I must be the stupidest person in the world. I'm not sure if she was surprised by my awe, or by my belief that it looked like the cowboy was going to get the calf, but it was clear that she thought I was seriously stupid. It was like suddenly a neon sign glowed over my head saying "not a country girl."

Rodeos have zambonis. That was my other city girl moment. During the barrel racing a tractor came out to rake out the area around the barrels, to which I say, "look, it's a rodeo zamboni!" Matchy woman kept her back turned, and my friend just laughed. Score one for the city girl. I think I need to get dual citizenship - city girl by day, country girl when the hat comes on. The whole thing was too fun not to do again.

Under totally unrelated circumstances, I had another bizarre experience yesterday. Someone I haven't talked to in over 2 years called, completely out of the blue. Her number wasn't even in my phone anymore. What possesses people to do that? Why call someone up after more than 2 years of no communication? The time when we were close friends feels lifetimes away now. We've both started new paths, new lives. I find it hard to believe that memories of a friendship shared so long ago would prompt a phone call now, when those same memories couldn't keep the friendship together when the memories were fresh. Is it cold of me that I feel incapable of understanding her desire to reconnect?

Monday, August 07, 2006

August 6 - Great Eastern Tour Day 21

Miles travelled: 576.9
Milkshakes: 1
Total trip mileage: 2, 556.3

8:47 a.m. - Drag myself out of bed for a quick shower. Breakfast is supposed to be at 9, but it looks like godfather is the only other person up so far.

9:25 a.m. - Scrambled eggs and cheese, marble bagels, canteloupe and apples for breakfast. By far the best morning meal of the trip. Conversation is equally as enjoyable, putting me in no hurry to leave.

10:23 p.m. - On the road for the last big haul. Try not to think about how many hours of driving are ahead of me.

1:45 p.m. - Pull into a Burger King drive-thru for lunch. When ordering 4 chicken tenders for $1, I expected them to be bigger.

2:56/1:56 p.m. - Back in central time zone. Gained an hour of unpacking time, but at the moment it feels like an extra hour of driving time.

2:22 p.m. - Desperately need a chocolate milkshake. Want to make pit stop twice as productive by also getting gas. Filling up now should keep me from having to stop again before arriving at the apartment. Walk into the world's oldest McDonald's for milkshake. Take the car across the street for gas, and audibly shout when I see the price: $3.19 a gallon. Put just 2 gallons in the car and vow to never stop for gas in Illinois again.

3:13 p.m. - In need of human interaction. Attempt to call people. Wake up the nurse in Arizona. "Go back to sleep," is the extent of conversation. Stick in Rent and settle for singing along.

4:37 p.m. - Roll down the windows to get some air flow. Instantly regret it. The air is thick with heat and humidity, nearly suffocating me. Should have paid closer attention when Mom was talking about Missouri's temperatures.

5:18 p.m. - Stop for gas just short of Columbia. Curse the weather of this state, and actually miss Rochester weather.

5:34 p.m. - Pull into the same parking space the car vacated 3 weeks ago. Gift bag from Grandma splits at the bottom as I am carrying all of the random bags upstairs. By a stroke of brilliant luck the coffee mugs that fall out do not break. Retrieve mugs and continue with the unpacking. Lug the overburdened suitcase up the stairs last. Cats greet me at the door and follow me around the apartment throughout the unpacking process. Welcome home.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

August 5 - Great Eastern Tour Day 20

Miles travelled: 414.6
CDs: 6
Cornhole games: 3

10:14 a.m. - Pack up the car. There is more stuff going back than came with me. That is the benefit of driving: lots of trunk space for things acquired en route.

10:28 a.m. - Watch roof shingles fall from the sky onto our deck. Thank God that roofers didn't show until well after my alarm went off, as they began with the piece of roof by my room.

11:23 a.m. - Pull off the curb, Mom and Dad behind me on their way to the lake. Wave the "I love you" sign out the window and wipe my eyes. Columbus here I come.

12:09 p.m. - Pit stop less than an hour into the drive. Seriously disappointing. Drinking 2 pints of water before leaving the house was obviously a bad maneuver.

5:37 p.m. - Pull up outside godparents' house. Grab oboe player's bagels so they don't get gooey in the hot car. Don't make it to the house before godfather comes out to greet me. Large elevated boards with a hole are laying in the garage. They are for "cornhole," a regional game that oboe player and her boyfriend have been working to build the equipment for all week. The finishing touches are being put on the bean bags. Once completed an inaugural game is planned. Catch up with oboe player while she finishes bean bag. Briefly meet her boyfriend on the stairs.

7:12 p.m. - The rookies win the first game of cornhole. Godfather must cook, and it's not a good 3 -person game, so practice ensues until dinner. Steak, baked potatoes, and salad are set out to eat. Thoroughly excited by the prospect of such an awesome meal. Manage not to splinter the toothpicks insterted in steak to hold bacon wrap in place. Eat well and get to chat while boyfriend silently cleans up. Determine there is enough light for a cornhole rematch before dark.

9:05 p.m. - Cornhole goes a lot faster once the throw is mastered. Manage to get in 2 games before the light is gone. Debate with oboe player whether or not we'll be sore tomorrow from the activity.

9:22 p.m. - Godfather puts Beethoven's 2nd on TV, more because it is in HD than he actually wants to watch it.

10:32 p.m. - Oboe player and I veto Beethoven's 4th. There is no more capacity for insipid child movies. Find Legally Blonde. Attempt to validate oboe player's claim that the movie is empowering.

Friday, August 04, 2006

August 4 - Great Eastern Tour Day 19

Movies: 2
Mutant corn: 1
Gifts given: 2

9:58 a.m. - Check movie times. Was contemplating asking fun-guy to delay pick-up time by an hour, until realize had movie time wrong. Our movie begins 2 hours earlier than anticipated. Instead of going later, decide to leave early.

10:50 a.m. - Arrive 10 minutes early. Fun-guy is not dressed yet. Meet her cats while she readies herself. Laugh at my movie time mistake.

11:23 p.m. - Dig into the details of our recent lives over deep-dish pepperoni pizza. Finally get to see a picture of the fiance. Had completely forgotten yelling at fun-guy for not having a picture of him at Christmas. Glad she remembered. There is worry over how much her back will ever heal from multiple surgeries. Perhaps now there is less camping and hiking in our future, but one certainly does not need a good back to share a deep-dish pizza.

2:33 p.m. - Blinded upon exit from viewing my first Woody Allen movie. The problem with afternoon movies is the sunlight shock when you exit the theater. The problem with Woody Allen movies is he gets a little annoying. Movie itself was fun, good plot, well written, and enjoyable. The continuing weirdness off Allen's character becoming just over-bearing enough to bring the movie down a notch.

2:55 p.m. - Turn the corner to see a giant dumpster sitting in the driveway. Park on the curb/in lawn. Baby brother did it - can blame him if there is flack from Dad. Wonder if Mom's car is trapped in the garage. She is not home and thus clearly not trapped. Fun-guy and I hang out on the porch until the parents arrive home so she can see them both.

5:51 p.m. - Shucking corn for dinner with baby brother. One ear has a tumor corn attached. Set it aside to check out later and continue shucking the normal ears. Baby brother points out mutant corn has fallen onto deck. While leaning over to pick it up, chair snaps underneath me. Nothing hurt but the chair and my heart rate. Chuck the chair into the lawn where it shatters into a few more pieces. Back to mutant corn. Shuck it and contemplate daring brother to eat it. Think better of dare given his recent sickly state.

7:02 p.m. - Give parents slightly belated anniversary gift, as well as early birthday gift for Dad. Parents will be going to see The Blue Man Group in October. Warn them binoculars may be necessary to actually see blue men from their seats. Dad will now be sleeping on funny foam pillow like baby brother's. Discuss whether or not it could feasibly be packed for his upcoming trip to CA. Decide it's probably not quite squishy enough for suitcase travel.

8:38 p.m. - Family is watching The Killing Fields. Still not entirely sure how or why baby brother wound up with this movie. Movie is interesting, moving, and educational. Slightly disappointed in myself for knowing nothing about the topic prior to this viewing. Much of the film is in a foreign language or unscripted, leaving me to feel it is probably a similar experience to that of my students watching an uncaptioned movie.

11:56 p.m. - Start packing, trying not to think too hard about reality of having to leave tomorrow.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

August 3 - Great Eastern Tour Day 18

Stores: 6
Dresses tried on: 9
Dog slobber spots: 1

11:00 a.m. - Walk next door to get Moosh. Immediately upon entering house see her green jacket on the floor and realize there is no pull-over shoved in my purse to combat the icebox-like tempteratures of the movie theater. Briefly backtrack to the house with Moosh in tow.

11:26 a.m. - "I shop in juniors now." Suddenly feeling old and somewhat nostalgic for the days of wandering the children's section while Moosh pulls nearly every article of clothing off the racks to try on. The plus side is that browsing for clothes selection will take half as long with just one area to look in. Try on a few of the same dresses in different sizes. She picks out some really nice dresses. Lament that there is nowhere to wear nice dresses, and so no reson to purchase. Both find great jeans. This brand of jean is also on sale 2-for-1. Will have to be sure and check sizes carefully when we separate them at home - there is now a mjuch higher risk of confusing clothing.

12:15 p.m. - Poor Moosh gets asked if she'd like a children's menu when the waitress at Friendly's seats us. We both order wraps, then settle in to important discussion: boys. There has been a changing of boyfriends that I missed and details must be hashed out. Discover that Mom has been doling out more of her sage advice. Other life is discussed. Wraps are consumed, leaving no room for ice cream. Better to continue the shopping and have candy at the movie.

2:02 p.m. - Green glitter is flowing mercilessly onto my clothes. Moosh has managed to pick out a dress that not only makes us look like Tinkerbell, but comes complete with fairy dust. There are still a few more to try on, several have been tried and discarded, all are glittery. There will be glitter on me for days. Selection here is also better than anywhere else. Moosh has decided this is the best place to shop for 9th grade formal. As we leave it dawns on me her 9th grade formal is 2 years away.

2:28 p.m. - Force Moosh to try on just one shirt that isn't green. She doesn't like how it fits. Don't get to see it on her.

3:52 p.m. - Watching Click, a movie we both wanted to see and had no one in our respective homes to see it with. Slightly taken aback by the language being used in a movie rated PG-13.

5:28 p.m. - Realize I have screwed up and will be late to meet flute girl for dinner. Rush Moosh home and promise to come back tomorrow. There is not time to see the things she wants to show, due to my time error.

6:25 p.m. - Flute girl is now 10 minutes later, 5 minutes later than I was. Calling flute girl to inform her of my potential tardiness was clearly foolish.

6:50 p.m. - Order salad for dinner. Still full of movie popcorn and Skittles. Flute girl and I catch up on her job. The full story on her crummy move and new landlord is disclosed. Husband interjects occasionally, mostly paying attention to the baseball game playing over my shoulder.

8:03 p.m. - Visit flute girls new house. Not nearly so bad as she and husband think. Rooms are small, especially for their large furniture, but not unmanageable. Paint job is good, with exception of bright yellow bathroom. We wonder if white sponge paint over it could help. One random space could be a good dog home space. Problem being, dogs refuse to sleep in any room but "mommy and daddy's." Not sure large bed, rottweiller , and pit bull will all fit in same room once dogs are full size. Manage to get slobbered on by rottweiller just before leaving.

8:22 p.m. - For the second time this trip I get to drive all the way across the city in the pouring rain. At least the car refrains from sputtering in the water this time.

10:07 p.m. - Decide to try watching an episode of The West Wing with commentary. About a quarter through get sick of the commentary as it prohibits my hearing any of the lines. Start the episode over without commentary.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

August 2 - Great Eastern Tour Day 17

Tokens: 100
Tickets: 305
Money spent: $27.41

10:53 a.m. - Excited for the first of 2 days for girls' day out with the neighbor girls. Opt to call neighbors before heading over - they just returned form vacation and may be catching up on sleep. Turns into a wise decision as all but the mom are still in slumber land. We discuss what the girls want to do with their days, and decide it is best for me to take the youngest out today.

11:36 a.m. - Neighbor mom calls 2 minutes after I hang up the phone with the youngest daughter. Munchkin was not clear in her message. There was misunderstanding. Mom is calling to clarify that Munchkin meant for me to pick her up at 1, not in 1 minute. Hang up, and go back to watching TNT's prime time in the daytime with Mom.

1:00 p.m. - Upon entering neighbor's house, a vast array of children's pink clothing is visible on the couch. Before leaving, all of Munchkin's new clothing must be admired. She has pretty good taste, even if it is all pink.

1:48 p.m. - Munchkin nearly takes my eye out with a football. Didn't realize standing behind someone half my size while she tries to throw a footballl to a height she can't see above would be so dangerous. Direct her towards games that are less likely to cause bodily harm. Amass another long string of tickets at a game whose sole purpose is to acquire large quantities of tickets by making a spinning light stop at a high number. What happened to the games where you actually had to do something to earn tickets? Use up the last third of our hundred tokens on Skee Ball, the greatest arcade game aside from Ms. Pac-Man. With Munchkin at my side there is, however, sill risk of bodily harm.

1:52 p.m. - Ticket counting machines are the best invention ever. We have accumulated 305 tickets that didn't need to be counted by hand. There is now 1 piece of paper in my pocket, instead of 305 tiny ones. Good deal.

2:45 p.m. - The ball factory has gotten tiresome. About 1/3 of the air pressure machines for shooting, floating, or otherwise moving the colored foam balls don't work. Small children are starting to pelt me with balls. As they aren't my students, I feel it is a little inappropriate to retaliate. Not that there is a problem with fighting back, but I'd rather pelt people I know, and Munchkin has already been sufficiently chased and blasted by me. Convince Munchkin we should go eat.

3:03 p.m. - Miniature golf in the blasting heat. The brief downpour earlier did nothing to alleviate the humidity. It did, however, manage to drench the putting greens, so that each ball hit leaves a spray of water behind it. Receive what could be valuable advice from Munchkin: "you just have to hit the ball real hard." Can see that she certainly subscribes to this method as we chase her ball off into the hedges several times.

3:58 p.m. - After careful consideration and numerous mental math attempts, all tickets have been cashed in exchange for a myriad of pink prizes.

4:14 p.m. - Munchkin carries out the stuffed dog she insisted on making for me at the wannabe build-a-bear in the arcade. It looks exactly like their family dog, which is why it was chosen, and bears the same name. He is clad in a soccer uniform as both the girls play soccer. The intent is for me to have him to remember them by, hug him when I miss them, and always bring him with me when travelling.

5:52 p.m. - Splashing around in the pool with the girls. The ratio of pool toys to people is 2:1. Almost none are in use as Munchkin lets me throw her in the air and Moosh attempts walking across the pool in her hands. This is leagues different than hanging in the pool with baby brother.

6:47 p.m. - Dad cleans up from dinner. Different rant, same topic:
"Tupperware without a lid is like a one-legged pair of pants - it doesn't do you much good.....unless of course you only have one leg."

7:17 p.m. - Exhausted from my day with the Munchkin. Not enough energy to start reading Faulkner, and there are no other mindless books in my suitcase. Read through the For Better or Worse book bought for Mom a few weeks ago. The parents stick in season 1 of Lost. Pseudo pay attention - any attempt to understand the show was given up long ago.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

August 1 - Great Eastern Tour Day 16

Money spent: $8
Change of plans: 3
Visits: 2

9:26 a.m. - There will be no running today. It is not even contemplated. Three minutes outside is enough to wilt a person.

10:38 a.m. - Head downtown to purchase Mom and Dad's anniversary gift. Glad I waited to check directions; the course to my destination wasn't exactly what I'd thought.

12:20 p.m. - Visiting my Rochester grandma. She's starting to repeat herself, an indication that it's time to think about leaving. Despite the redundant conversation, I stay glued to my chair. Every movement towards leaving is suppressed by the nagging fear that this visit is the last. She is ready to go and join her husband. Finally, I feel at peace with that. I am selfish and still dread the knowledge that every hug could be the last, but the thought of my Rochester grandparents together again is comforting.

1:34 p.m. - Big Lots is full of hidden treasures. Kashi Go-Lean Crunch, hair dye, and bug spray for under $8. It is worth browsing through the junk for these awesome finds. There should be a Big Lots in every college town. Fairly certain it would be more successful than Wal-Mart.

4:04 p.m. - Part II of Oprah's schools in crisis. Not quite as depressing as yesterday. This edition is more about what's being done to solve the problem. Strong admiration for the people out there making amazing things happen.

5:25 p.m. - Panda calls to cancel our plans for the night. She has gotten seriously ill working outdoors all day at camp. Bed is in her immediate future. Half pay attention to dinner while trying to figure out what to do with my night.

7:34 p.m. - Swimming with accident boy. Panda's cancellation was the perfect opportunity to call him up to hang out, and there's nothing wrong with a swim when the temperature is still pushing 90. The water allows accident boy to move much more freely than on dry land. We float about chatting. Discussion of brain injury treatment and accessibility issues with finding his own apartment are a completely normal part of the conversation. Their German shepherd twice my size is anxious to jump in, but restrains itself. A dog that big deserves a manlier name than Scooter.

9:10 p.m. - Need to start a new book, but update blog instead.

July 31 - Great Eastern Tour Day 15

Runs: 1
Beers: 1
Moments reminiscing: 13

9:36 a.m. - Sweat my way through a run. Getting to the point where gills would be really useful for breathing outdoors.

11:11 a.m. - Coffee in a library just seems wrong. Far too much danger of damaged books. Glad the public library didn't start that until after my tenure as employee was complete. The new signage and painting the local coffee shop provided to go with the coffee corner is very nice, but that won't matter much when trying to pry apart the sticky pages of books with coffee spills. While wandering around the library, it is a little depressing to realize I no longer can find things without needing the guides at the end of each aisle. Too much has been moved or shifted. Do manage to find exercise books for Mom without knowing the exact number section. Good to know some skills still exist. The reality of how long I've been gone sinks in when my old boss talks about her grandchilren whose existence I was unaware of. The oldest one is 5 - quickly do the math and realize that's a year after my employ ended.

2:02 p.m. - More time at the piano. An old, old tune has been playing in my head all day, and finally it can be released as the world around me slips away.

2:42 p.m. - Brother comes home sweltering from the heat and lack of A/C in his car, so we hit the pool. The neighbors will be home tomorrow. Attempt to clean up the pool bottom in anticipation of their return. Discover that the leaves are not as connected as they appeared from the surface. Hard to grab at things that float and drift as the water moves. Good way to stay occupied and busy in the pool.

4:04 p.m. - Oprah is doing a show on the school crisis in America. The information she presents is shocking. At the same time it is totally unsprurpising to me. The plight of my profession and colleagues is familiar and yet foreign. Most disheartening is its affect on our students. I commend Oprah for her efforts, and pray the backlash doesn't land squarely on the shoulders of teachers.

9:03 p.m. - Meet the writer at a local bar (okay, only bar in our suburb) for drinks. An ambulance is sitting at the door when I park the car. Old man gets wheeled out on a gurney, blocking my entry. This better not be an omen for the evening.

9:25 p.m. - Details of the writer's brother's wedding (his reason for being in town) are sufficiently covered.
"I was cracking them up with the toast. Then, I wowed them on the dance floor."
"I"m sure you did."
"Are you using sarcasm with me?"
"Don't I always?"
"Why do you think I wouldn't wow them on the dance floor?"
"I'm not saying you didn't wow them, but how do you know they weren't saying, 'wow, that guy's a terrible dancer!'?"

10:12 p.m. - Finish first beer. Pitch to the writer why he should grant an audition for his film to the actress' boyfriend. May have actually managed to get him interested. Learn a lot about life in the world of Nickelodeon and being a production assistant. Sounds slightly better than being coffee getter, but at least he finally has a full time job to support him while writing. The thought that this low-grade job probably nets him more than me is perturbing, until balanced with the fact that he's paying bills in LA.

10:44 p.m. - Forgo second pint of beer. Not sure how much longer we'll be here (or how late the place is open), and there's no one to drive me home. Conversation moves on to relationships, why we don't have them, and why that's okay. Finally, a person who somewhat understands my take on these things.

11:23 p.m. - Talking about how and why we hated each other in high school. A classic example of Shakespearian misconceptions. Or maybe a vicious cycle. There are elements of both which I ponder while reliving some of the less enjoyable aspects of my high school years. At least we have both grown-up. Friends is better than enemies, we've decided.

12:18 a.m. - Leave bar. Conversation topics have run out, as has my energy. Good night, at least for us - not so sure how it went for ambulance guy.

Monday, July 31, 2006

July 30 - Great Eastern Tour Day 14

Boats admired: 8
Money spent: $0
Meals: 1

9:12 a.m. - Enter the church of my childhood, readjusting yet again to the changes that have been made since calling this my home parish. Surprise the ladies who have sat behind my family for as long as memory can recall. Front pew, left side.

9:48 a.m. - Dad breaks the mass concentration by asking me if the homilist just said "eating a spouse." As we all hide the giggles, I wonder why they still let us sit in the front pew.

12:20 p.m. - Lunch at the lake with the family plus baby brother's girlfriend. By stroke of genius pick the one seat that stays in the sun after umbrella is opened. Bask in the sunshine. The boat gas station is next to the restaurant, and we all wonder how much it must cost to fill up the big boats stopping by. Makes sailboating look like an excellent idea. Watch the bridge go up and hope a tall boat is coming, but no such luck. Soak in more sun and time with the family. We are always calmer at the water. Yet another reason to live at water someday. Get the greatest custard in the world after lunch. Manage to dribble a significant portion of it down my shirt. At least it's vanilla and not chocolate - won't be as obvious.

5:44 p.m. - Will have the song from Pirates of the Caribbean stuck in my head all night. Well worth it. Still very frustrated in the ending, but now the family can share in the frustration. Didn't notice until Dad pointed it out how many of the gags are very Three Stooges-esque.

7:22 p.m. - Dinner was skipped since we were all still stuffed from lunch. Makes for the perfect evening to sit around in the huge leather chair reading and chatting with the parents. New life goal is to someday afford a huge leather chair and ottoman as comfy as Dad's. There is no better reading spot, except perhaps my hammock.

8:57 p.m. - Must put down the book to watch The 4400. Biff the correct assessment of the first scene, but accurately call the plot involving boy who can save lives.

12:28 a.m. - Finish Janet Evanovich book. Contemplate looking for the next in the series tomorrow at the library, even though 3 unread books sit in my suitcase.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

July 29 - Great Eastern Tour Day 13

Child-like moments: 237
Prayers not to die: 12
Money spent: $9

9:07 a.m. - Return from run to find Dad hacking at tree limbs. Wouldn't care so much if he wasn't climbing a ladder by himself. This would be cause for a very pointed reprimand if I were to attempt it. Go hold the ladder for him and get pummelled with branches.

10:40 a.m. - Decided why I don't like Hemmingway: the characters are hollow, shallow, and superficial. There is nothing that gets me to connect with them. Nothing drives me to want to know more about them, not even the hope that they will improve. There was no remorse when characters died, just some relief when a few pages later the book ended. It is time to move on to other things, characters I can delight in. I pick up the second in Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series and prepare to get addicted.

12:43 p.m. - Two minutes before the time to pick up Panda, realize I don't know how to get to the museum. Mom to the rescue, and a few minutes later the car is running, windows down, explaining to a teen why stopping at her group's car wash isn't in the cards.

1:20 p.m. - Exploring the newly expanded and renovated Strong National Museum of Play with Panda. Comparing my childhood memories to what I see is like comparing an old black-and-white movie to technicolor. Everything is big and clean and bright. Quotes about learning and play line the walls. The Sesame Street exhibit has been expanded, and we stop to take a picture under Big Bird. Attempt to write Panda a message using a brailler...write really big in Braille. There are craft areas everywhere, but they are swarming with kids so we bypass most of those places. Sadly, the butterfly garden is full until much later in the afternoon, so we don't go in there. Another time there will be dancing with butterflies. The best new thing we go through is Reading Adventureland. It's billed as a living pop-up book, and that's fairly accurate. The reader, teacher, and child in me are all in ecstasy. There's a mystery area (contemplate creating my own code, but it was too much like a class taught last year), fantasy area (see original pages of the first drafts of Lord of the Rings, and admire the Harry Potter paraphenalia), fairy tale area (play the stringless, golden harp in the giant's playroom), nonsense house (cook up some green eggs and ham), and adventure area (make a treasure map, but the boat was hard to read). Guiding readers through the whole thing is a yellow brick road. Overstimulation commences immediately.

3:12 p.m. - Find another play area while Panda looks for food. Small children are playing Dance Dance Revolution. Still think that game is way harder than it looks. Turn a big wheel without knowing what it does. The ability to pull, push, turn, and bang on things at random is the most fun part of the play museum. Look up and discover big wheel turns largest kaleidescope ever. Aware of the ability to stand entranced forever, drag myself away to find Panda before I'm lost again to the world of play.

4:40 p.m. - Panda and I meet her husband at a party with a two-year-old roaming around and the fraternity boys cursing like they have Turrets. Mother of child keeps yelling, "PG-13, please!" This is the only fun thing happening at the party where I only know Panda and her husband. Keeping her company at a party of mainly her husband's friends was an okay plan until we got here. Determine to sneak out shortly after eating. Then Panda can focus on the husband she only sees on weekends.

5:29 p.m. - It is raining so hard the lines on the road can't be seen. The car is starting to jump it is so waterlogged. There is a serious fear the semi passing me will push me off the road with its wake of water. Only one exit to home. Please God don't let me die.

7:02 p.m. - Cheez Whiz is one of the world's greatest foods, especially for nachos.

10:10 p.m. - Dad finds reruns of HeeHaw on CMT. It feels like a clean, country version of SNL. Now that I've seen it either life is complete or I'll have to shoot myself. Thankful for the ability to read and tune out the world. Officially addicted to the Stephanie Plum book crack.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

July 27 - Great Eastern Tour Day 12

Runs: 0
Money spent: $29.68
Friends seen: 3

8:58 a.m. - Wake up determined to run. Discover it is raining outside. Check to see if it is hot enough to make running in the rain worthwhile. Nope. Putz around hoping the rain will let up. It rains harder. Give up and go shower.

11:02 a.m. - Off to run errands with Mom. The local talk radio conservative is railing on about a report released today that essentially says the mayor and other city officials screwed everyone over in building the Fast Ferry. The news really shouldn't seem all that surprising, as the monstrosity has been a disaster since its inception. At least with this story radio man is not likely to piss me off, as he is prone to do.

11:34 a.m. - Dad calls. My car is ready. Mom is to pay for it. Excellent.

12:49 p.m. - Shopping for a new bathing suit at the end of summer is like combing the jungle for a rare flower. Often times you can come up with half of the plant, but the other half has already left the jungle. Don't understand how the bottom to a suit can be on sale with absolutely no matching top available. Mom continues the hunt while I test out some possibilities. A miracle is delivered in the form of a suit that is both enjoyable and fits. It is both classy and fun. Very pleasing.

2:08 p.m. - The replacement switch to fix the reverse lights on the car cost $62.88. Joke with the mechanic that he can't take any more vacations on us with a payment like that, not to mention Mom and brother's new cars are far more stable than the previous ones. But if a switch can cost almost $63, I doubt he's hurting for cash.

3:12 p.m. - An incredibly bizarre yet intriguing Dr. Phil is interrupted by the mayor's press conference. He feels the need to defend himself against today's Fast Ferry report. Apparently he was listening to radio man too.

4:00 p.m. - Short swim with little brother. New suit is excellent.

5:14 p.m. - Attempt human learning final. Either the professor has set up 3 scenarios in an essay question that all require the same response, or there is a serious error on my part. Double check book and notes, but still unable to find a better option. Ask myself how much I really care about nailing this final, and decide to move on.

7:37 p.m. - Dinner with Panda at my favorite local restaurant, a mom n' pop place that my family patronizes so frequently the proprietor knows me by name despite a lack of parental units and the fact that I no longer live here. Thankful we came on fish fry night; the dinner salad is replaced with the world's greatest macaroni salad. Still not sure what we're doing the rest of the evening, but a 2 person meal for $14 is a good start.

8:45 p.m. - Panda wants to look for husband's anniversary gift, so we head to the mall. She's looking to replace his very expensive sun glasses. Never understood why people buy expensive sunglasses. Sunglasses are meant to be expendable. Case in point being Panda's husband, who lost his first pair of expensive sunglasses and broke the second. This may be a sign he is not meant to have expensive sunglasses. Will have to point this out to husband tomorrow if an opportunity presents itself.

9:23 p.m. - The original plan to go dancing downtown is nixed. Husband somewhat ruined excitement by being overprotective. Panda is also getting tired and doesn't want to be out too late. She chases around 13 year-olds all day at camp, and so her lack of energy is understandable. Friday nights during the school year are never good for me either. Slightly disappointed, but there are alternate plans to meet friends, and the goal of the evening was to spend time with Panda, which is still happening. Dancing can wait.

9:35 p.m. - Meet childhood friend and childhood brother at bar. Internally twitch watching childhood brother order beer from bar. Not used to the youngins' growing up. Blonde girl arrives with boyfriend. Don't get to spend as much time getting to know boyfriend as would like, but he is busy playing darts and the friends are more important to talk to. Panda and I discuss how much the other 2 have changed. We all appear very adult until childhood friend's phone rings. She shakes and leaps up in a panic to go answer it. A boy she has had a crush on since high school calls. Maybe we haven't changed all that much after all.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

July 27 - Great Eastern Tour Day 11

Piano pieces: 10
Pizza slices: 3
Introductions: 1

10:35 a.m. - The humidity is nearly unbearable. Any attempt at a long run will render me incapable of breathing not long into the process. Take a shorter route, just going around the neighborhood. The run is more for the sake of not feeling lazy than anything else. Given the rate and distance, it served little function more than an accelerated heart rate.

12:25 p.m. - House to myself - brother is working and Mom is at lunch with former boss. Perfect opportunity to make love to the piano. The sound is excellent as it was just tuned a week ago, despite Dad's protestations. He doesn't understand that the piano must still be tuned even if no one plays it, or else it will be untuneable in the future, something I find totally unacceptable. Get through only a small portion of the books before fingers start to cramp. Curse my weakness and fervently wish the piano were more easy to move to Missouri.

4:30 p.m. - Meet Dad at mechanic's after dropping off my car. The goal is to figure out why reverse lights will only work when gear shift is jiggled. Pray they find nothing else wrong in the process, as is typically the case with my car.

5:04 p.m. - Baby brother and his girlfriend are walking back from swimming as I pull into the garage with Dad's car. Avoid awkward introductions by scooting inside to escape mosquitos. Brother forces introductions after bug bites are tended to, and girlfriend tentatively goes in for a handshake. The moment is awkward as I'm not expecting a handshake from one who is significanly younger than me, and a girl. Girls tend to not do those things. But the gesture is appreciated. However, I'll still break her if she hurts baby brother.

6:34 p.m. - "Carina Wyzmerski's in love with me."
"What?"
"LOL - doesn't that mean 'lots of love' or 'lots of luck'?"
"No, Dad, it means 'laughing out loud'."
"Okay, good. I was beginning to feel a bit flattered there for a minute."

7:07 p.m. - Pizza finally arrives. Feel bad for delivery guy once we hear he was stuck by 3 trains. Recall one time a stopped train cut the town in half and I couldn't get home after the SATs. It's the only reason I forgive delivery boy for causing me to starve so long. We confuse the girlfriend with half an episode of The West Wing before Dad returns and we start Pirates of the Carribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl.

10:11 p.m. - Having seen the first Pirates movie again, am now feeling more prepared to view the second one this weekend. Wonder if Dad has inherited some deafness from Grandma, as he had a very hard time hearing what the characters were saying. Hope it will be better in the theater, since there is no pause button.

July 26 - Great Eastern Tour Day 10

Expensive chocolates: 2
Pottery pieces recovered: 4
Pottery pieces left: 2

11 a.m. - Childhood friend arrives to pick me up for a trip downtown. First, we must take a look at the shirt she brought over. Old Navy somehow made a tank with 2 different length straps. Original plan was for me to sew it, as friend's mom has no sewing skills. Upon viewing the tank, realize it is way above my skill level. Mom takes up the job. Feel really bad, hadn't meant to volunteer her for work.

11:36 a.m. - Rooting through pottery trying to find pieces made by childhood friend. Proves difficult as glaze has covered over the last name she etched on the bottoms. Pick up everything with a handle to no avail. Finally discover 2 pieces never got fired due to too much glaze on the bottom. Teacher in me marvels at how her instructor failed to tell friend to be careful of that. Suppose I can excuse the indiscretion as the person is probably an artist first and teacher second. Childhood friend, however, is not the stereotypical artist - she would have reminded her students.

12:02 p.m. - Lunch at Charlie's Frog Pond. The wallpaper is yellow with frogs stretched out in an X pattern all over. Where do you find something like that? Expect at least one frog themed item on the menu, but instead am confronted with a vast selection of omlettes and other egg oriented choices. Conversation migrates from family to Europe to curriculum to summer vacation to cardiologists and exercise. Cardiologists. 20 years of friendship and we're already discussing cardiologists. Then the conversation goes to boys, and everything is normal again.

2:o6 p.m. - One Godiva chocolate cost $1.56. Miniature mint chocolate chip covered pretzel cost $1.50. For that much money they shouldn't melt so quickly in the 90ish degree heat.

2:43 p.m. - Childhood friend and I are dressed to go swimming as little brother arrives home from first day back at work and announces he's going swimming. Great minds think alike.

5:18 p.m. - "Hooray hooray hooray! Going to see the Panda this weekend! We're going to play at the museum!" My exuberance causes not so much as a lifted eyebrow from Mom or brother. Must think of new ways to cause them to feel slightly disturbed by my behavior.

7:23 p.m. - Another night sucked in by Buffy and Law and Order. Briefly wonder if I should be concerned by my total lack of motivation to do anything but sit and stare mindlessly at the TV. Put the Hemingway in my lap in an attempt to do something that requires slightly more brain function. Another vampire goes after Buffy, and the thought is discarded.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

July 25 - Great Eastern Tour Day 9

Garbage plates: 1
Plans made: 2
Quizzes: 1

11:15 a.m. - Arrive at doctor's office with little brother and hunker down for a long wait. Try to focus on the human learning homework that has been neglected for several weeks. All is well until a woman comes in and sits down right next to me. There is no one else waiting on our half of the room. Eight empty chairs sit along the walls, and she sits down right next to me. Claustrophobic tendencies kick in and my ability to focus diminishes significantly. Little brother goes in to the doctor, and returns with a clean bill of health. The woman is still there, and I'm staring at the same paragraph I was when he went in a half-hour before.

12:12 p.m. - Call Dad as we drive by his office to see if he can meet us for lunch. A sudden craving has us pointed towards Nick Tahou's for garbage plates, but Dad has already eaten. A plate is hard to manage without a fairly empty stomach. The merits of homefries vs. french fries is contemplated, along with why the bread looks green. The plate itself is too much food for either one of us to finish, which is slightly depressing.

1:28 p.m. - Testing our theory of the pool water feeling better during the heat of the day, with Mom in tow. The temperature is really no different, but we seem to acclimate more quickly. Too much spinning in the bright pink tube made me seriously dizzy. Should have known better, spinning without sickness is not a family trait.

4:30 p.m. - More bonding over Buffy. Becoming disturbingly addicted.

6:37 p.m. - Yet again trying to crack the books. If I can just get this chapter finished only the quiz for this week and the final will be left. This class has gone on too long.

8:45 p.m. - Finally finished the half chapter of reading. Skipped the websites, skimmed the instructor notes. Consider the irony in my complete and utter lack of motivation for dealing with the chapter on motivation. Tackle the quiz, cursing internally when I discover it is short answer and not multiple choice. Experience a rare moment of thankfulness for the drama of my students - their need for affiliation and all the trouble it causes will suit my quiz answer nicely.

10:11 p.m. - Make plans to go downtown tomorrow with childhood friend. Looking forward to the change of scenery and some time out in the city. We're going to an area that is not overly familiar, but supposedly very cool and artsy. Also make plans to get drinks Monday night with the writer, who will be in this weekend for his brother's wedding. Brother was a senior when we were sophomores. Haven't seen him since, but it is still hard to picture him married. The writer is best man, and yet asks me what he should buy for a wedding gift. Having no clue what to say, besides "you moron why haven't you bought a gift yet?" choose to ignore question and continue writing blog.

1:37 a.m. - Finally finish updating the blog. Set the alarm to get up and run, the 5,300 calories consumed at lunch still fresh in my mind.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

July 24 - Great Eastern Tour Day 8

Miles travelled: 265.4
CDs: 4
Swims: 2

5:50 a.m. - Previous night's suspicions of a hole in the air mattress are confirmed. Waking due to the light pouring through the poorly blinded windows, the floor can easily be felt through the mostly deflated air mattress. Try to fall back asleep anyway - no point in getting up until the architects are moving.

8:24 a.m. - On the road yet again. The car could probably drive itself to Rochester.

10:24 a.m. - Stop for chicken tenders and fries. Burger King only has breakfast food available. Hadn't realized how early it still was. Lunch will have to be more Combos instead.

1:45 p.m. - Arrive at home to find an empty house. This wouldn't be a problem, except my house key was left in Missouri. Call Mom, who is out with little brother at the doctor's and tells me if she'd known approximate arrival time a door could have been left unlocked. Now the only option is one of the open windows. After careful consideration and analysis, my bedroom window over the deck is chosen as the best bet. Lug ladder around to deck. Nearly put my hand through the screen trying to open it. Panic and climb back down ladder. Take a few deep breaths, go back up the ladder, push up and scoot myself ungracefully through the window, trying not to land on my face. It looks much easier on TV.

1:53 p.m. - "Hi, Mom."
"Hi, where are you?"
"Standing in the bedroom, unpacking."
"Okay, good, just wanted to make sure you weren't splattered on the deck."
"Nope"
"Good. We'll be home soon."

2:42 p.m. - Head over to neighbor's pool with baby brother for some swimming and brother-sister bonding. He is looking decidedly less yellow than last week. Water is chilly, and it takes us about 15 minutes to get in all the way. Don't stay in long, but as the neigbors are gone all week, we can come back any time.

5:15 p.m. - More brother-sister bonding, this time over season 3 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Don't entirely understand what's going on, but it doesn't seem to be a requirement for viewing. Wonder how long the vampire makeup took.

7:00p.m. - Swimming again, this time with floaties. It is obvious which tube belongs to which neighbor child: lime green for the older one, pink leopard print for the litte one. It would be really funny to see little brother floating around on pink leopard print, ut lime green is more appropriately sized for him. Water is still chilly, and now there is no sun. Plans are made to try again tomorrow at the heat of the day.

7:47 p.m. - Grocery shopping with Mom. For reasons unknown, the grocery store always brings out the silly in us. I dance to the music. Mom stares at 8 packages of the cheese she wants while complaining that she can't find the cheese she wants. I mock Mom's need to reorganize my placement of the cart items. Standing in the pasta aisle, 3 aisles down from the pop, Mom picks up the case of Coke, then the case of Mountain Dew that was below it, puts down the Coke, then puts the Mountain Dew on top of it, reversing their placement. There's no preface to this activity - she just switches the cases of pop. 2 minutes of me laughing so hard I can't talk go by before we can continue.

July 23 - Great Eastern Tour Day 7

Miles travelled: 71.2
Episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm: 4

10:55 a.m. - Receive the biggest grin and greeting ever from Kent church's choir director. Surprising people by just showing up is SO worth it. Spend mass feeling totally at home. Force myself not to look at anyone during the closing song, since it is "my" song. The church song I love more than any other. The one we always sang at the end of the last student mass for the year. The one I immediately associate with this place and its people. The one I typically can't sing without starting to cry. Eye contact while singing it is just not an option. As the notes start to play all I can do is close my eyes, sing with all my heart, and thank God for this most appropriate welcome home.

1:40 p.m. - "Good timing, I just got back from the office. So what's this story you have? It must be good since you texted me at 2:40 in the morning." That is the greeting I get from the architect. No hello, no how was your drive, just what the heck did you do now. This is the joy of our friendship - we don't bother with the bullshit. By the time we finish lunch he has gotten the full story, thoroughly mocked me for it, and deemed it not as bad as I think.

3:30 p.m. - Two hours is not nearly enough time for me to thoroughly peruse the Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame, but that is all the time left until closing. Try to bypass exhibits that haven't changed and stick to the new things. Even doing that there is not enough time. Revel in the joy of being a music dork, especially enjoying the Bob Dylan exhibit, up until closing, at which point the architect is starting to twitch of impatience. Walk back to his place lamenting once again the lack of city in my life.

7:02 p.m. - Watch carefully selected episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm that I "have to see," while the architect cooks dinner. Boy who can cook - impressive. Refusing my help to clean up - even more impressive.

9:11 p.m. - Time to introduce the architect to Mel Brooks' Blazing Saddles. If he can't appreciate it, there's really no hope for him.

11:40 p.m. - Drifting off to sleep, there is a feeling of being closer to the florr than when first laying down on the air mattress in the living room.

July 22 - Great Eastern Tour Day 6

Miles travelled: 114.7
Turn arounds: 2
Beers: 5

9:58 a.m. - Craft time with the actress. In typical fashion, she has decided at the last possible minute to make cards for the cast, as no pre-made cards were suitable. The pieces are all cut (individualized to each person's role) so all that must be done is to arranage and glue the pieces on the cards. This winds up being slightly more difficult than it first appears. I am reminded of the many crafting projects that took place the year we all lived together. The crafts always seemed to overrun the living room, as the cards are starting to. At least I won't be around for the stress of seeing her complete the writing, with only 4.5 minutes allotted for each card. Before leaving, we discuss the possibility of the actress and boyfriend coming to Missouri. The thought keeps me smiling all the way to the car.

1:47 p.m. - Our waiter at Applebee's is high. Either that or he has some serious issues, but the newlywed roommate and I are fairly sure he's high. We are discussing this as he brings me iced tea instead of another Diet Pepsi. Definitely not helping his tip. At least her wrap showed up without chicken as ordered.

4:15 p.m. - Hanging out in the newlywed's blue living room. I find myself admiring her talent. There are canvasses in the room that she has clearly painted, as the background color matches the walls. In the dining room there is framing painted around a collection of her old art prints. Wish she lived closer and could help with the decorating at my place. Since the football boy is not answering his phone, I am unable to go to my next destination. Feel bad for imposing on the newlywed. Both of us have homework to do, and suddenly I find myself in the very familiar situation of sitting around with her doing homework, breaking to discuss the radio, ask questions about our work, and pick out her clothes for tonight's party. The football boy calls, and though I'm excited to see him after a 2 year absence, I'm almost sad to leave the comfortable scenario.

6:13 p.m. - Finally arrive at the football boy's location, after 2 turn arounds and 2 phone calls to the newlywed trying to figure out what direction the car should be pointed. Serves me right for trusting a boy to give me directions, especially vague ones. Endure a chunk of stereotypical jabs at my profession from the football player and his cop brother before we arrive at the party. Wonder if the party will consist more of former Screwballs that I know, or the host's high school friends whom I don't. Get lucky, and find myself surrounded mainly by people from the flag football days. Despite my prolonged absence from Screwball events, I avoid the perfunctory "so what have you been doing lately?" conversations. The scenery, complete with beer pong and Santa hats, is far more interesting.

10:17 p.m. - The girls are hungry and decide it is time for burgers. Halfway through the process the boys realize girls are running the grill and decide this isn't kosher. What is it with boys and grills? Either way, cheeseburgers and blackened hot dogs come out of the deal, and it is good. All present were in need of some food.

2:41 a.m. - Drunkenly text several friends over a potential party moment of poor judgement. Text messaging may be the drunk world's worst invention.

4:03 a.m. - Crash on the couch at football boy's place. Actually, it is the home of 2 other Screwballs who got married 2 years ago. Football boy has been living with them (earning him the nickname "Dupree') and is now being kicked out as we all learned today they are expecting a baby. Try not to think about how soon the alarm will be going off.

July 21 - Great Eastern Tour Day 5

Miles travelled: 350.4
CDs: 6
Goodbyes: 6
Hellos: 2

9:06 a.m. - Startled by Mom's car honking as it turns into the driveway. The family left an hour ago for New York, so there is momentary panic before remembering they went to Grandma's before leaving. Little brother has missplaced his cell phone. Since he's been using it to text the girlfriend all week, it of course must be found. Crisis is resolved quickly, and they're back on the road, as I should be.

11:11 a.m. - Finally arrive at Grandma's apartment after completing the packing for the weekend. Having 2 bags for the trip is useful - it keeps the giant suitcase from being lugged in and out of various apartments, but it makes the transfer of stuff an involved process. With that behind me, I'm on to my next mission of the morning: talking Grandma into coming to NY for Christmas. Surprisingly, this is a much easier process than I had anticipated. Once Grandma has learned that the aunt and uncle are intending to go, she is gladly willing to travel with them. Amazed at her easy agreement, and somewhat irritated that we never did this sooner, I choose to ignore the stipulation "if I feel up to it." We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

12:00 p.m. - On the road again. Kent here I come.

4:47 p.m. - Arrive at Eagle's Landing apartments, which was Eagle's Point during my Kent days. Wish I had driven by the house on Vine, but there is a time crunch as my friend the actress must soon leave for the theater. While catching up on life with the 5' 2" spitfire, her roommate enters and we are introduced.
"Roommate, this is S, my old roommate, good friend, inspiration, and support. I call her N, or the nun."
The nun. Hadn't even thought about that nickname in years. It still rubs the wrong way just a little, though I know it is meant as a teasing term of affection. Feel chagrinned by the remembrance of my "role" among the college friends. At the same time it is a comfort to be with someone who knows me well enough to think to call me such a name.

7:59 p.m. - Run into the theater 1 minute to curtain. Make mental note to kill the actress for her crappy directions. Ignoring the welcoming speech, I have just enough time to read the bios of the actress and her boyfriend before the show starts.

8:40 p.m. - Grab a pretzel and cookie after act 1 (cookie is phenomenal as recommended).

9:25 p.m. - Run to the car for a sweater after act 2 (living out of your car has its benefits). Enjoying the show, but looking forward to its end so I can spend time with the friends.

10:06 p.m. - Bawl my eyes through act 3, as the actress' character dies and delivers the most moving performance I've ever witnessed from her. Try to dry my eyes in the restroom before meeting the friends. Hope in the dark they won't see how red my eyes are. The boyfriend finds me first and we envelope each other in a hug. Congratulate the actress, yell at her for making me cry. Get introduced to half the cast by first and last name, but thankfully she refrains from adding 'the nun.'

11:18 p.m. - Sharing stories, food, and the world's largest margarita at T.G.I. Friday's. We comment on the bad old school music playing. I am reprimanded in a shocked tone for the lack of a male in my life, and brief plans are made to create a blog advertising my amazing qualities. The lives of former rommates are analyzed, and plans to visit are briefly discussed. God how I have missed these people.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

July 20 - Great Eastern Tour Day 4

Diet Cokes: 3
Flaming dishes: 1
Euchre games: 2

8:49 a.m. - Aroused by a discussion in the other room of a tornado touching down in a baseball stadium. Get up to ask which stadium, and then mentally thank the Lord I'm not in Missouri since the stadium hit was St. Louis' new one. Hopefully by the time I get back in 2 weeks a tornado hitting the new stadium will no longer be the lead story in every local news cast.

10:36 a.m. - Using the tried and true college method of following someone else into a locked building, I arrive at Grandma's apartment without needing to buzz in. Dad looks eager for a break and heads for the door. Take the sharp knife from Grandma's hand out of self-reservation instinct.
"I had it pointed down."
"Yes, but you also had it pointed out towards me, so I feel a little safer carrying it until you're sat down."
While we talk, I am reminded that she can actually be a funny woman. Wish we had spent more time alone together this trip. Grandma points out sky is turning ominous again. Decide to head to the car before rain can pelt us.

3:30 p.m. - Go see Cars. Family takes up nearly an entire row in the movie theater. Wonder why movie theaters insist on keeping the temperature at a brisk 57 degrees at all times. Are there some kind of heat regulations attached to movie film that prohibits the temperature going above 60? Realize about a quarter through movie that Grandma isn't laughing, which must mean she can't hear it well, as the movie is incredibly funny.

7:25 p.m. - Waiter says to me, "Oh, so you're the flamer?" This could be offensive if I hadn't ordered the flaming Hawaiian pork chop. There's nothing cooler than watching your dinner on fire while it's on your plate. Especially a dinner that includes marshmallows and a cherry on top.

8:30 p.m. - Play some euchre with Grandma, brother, and dad after we give up on Fluxx. The game banter comments include:
"Do you have some Ambesole?"
"Well sure, I have teeth."
"The logic there is flawed. Most people have an asshole, that doesn't mean they have Preparation H."

"I am a master discarder."

"He eats like a hobbit."

"You know, with a little spray paint we could fix up the parts on your head where the scalp shows through."
As the banter goes on, there are warm feelings for my sideways family and our banter. Feel a twinge of melancholy about leaving tomorrow.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

July 19 - Great Eastern Tour Day 3

Miles travelled: 97
Relatives met: 2
Chicken legs: 1

8:28 a.m. - Boys leave for golf. Better them than me, as I still feel golf is a waste of a good walk (though none of them are actually walking as the yellow brother requires a golf cart). Roll over and try to sleep again until the house phone rings and I leap up thinking it is my phone alarm. Once standing there is really no point in going back to bed. Have Peanut Butter Captain Crunch for breakfast. It has been too many years since I enjoyed such a sugar-filled, health-free first meal of the day. Discuss for the umpteenth time why grandma makes the family crazy and why she is the way she is. Don't understand why the family can't accept that she will always complain and nothing will ever be exactly as she wants it. She's 85 and she's never going to change - why do we keep having this conversation every year? Try to impart my viewpoint, which doesn't matter much since I am not a family elder and really not responsible for her. However, I also happen to be the golden child and therefore only one Grandma listens to. Thus am stuck having an opinion no one will really pay attention to, while at the same time being begged to talk Grandma into whatever family elders think is best. Conversation ends in same stale-mate, lack of solution as always.

9:57 a.m. - Vow to never live in a home with well water that requires a water softener. Tired of showering and feeling slimy.

11:45 a.m. - Leave with Mom for Knox, her hometown. Try to figure out familial relation to the people we will be visiting. Mom's family has always been elusive and is not often discussed. Excited by the prospect of meeting more family, even if they are only distant relatives who have no real interest in seeing me. It will be nice to put faces to names, and the trip is important for Mom. Glad she asked me to come along.

11:40 a.m - Arrive at mom's cousin's house. The great state of Indiana has 2 time zones, so by travelling 45 miles west we've also gone back in time an hour. Cousin does not look like anyone I've seen in photos, and I wonder if there are any of her in our house. For being 3 years older than Mom, she looks significantly older - maybe that has something to do with her 12 grandchildren. Listen intently for awhile as they discuss family matters and current happenings. Start to zone out when old friends and places are discussed. Not very interested in who Bob Carlisle remarried since I've never met him. Get sucked into an episode of Crossing Jordan on TV. Briefly pulled back to reality to explain my work situation and school, as cousin works in a school that just suffered budget cuts. Explain that while the teachers get paid a pittance, we have decently good funding for school things. Back to the psychopath on Crossing Jordan. Very cool show; not that I have time to watch it more often than summer reruns.

1:08 p.m. - Follow directions from cousin to arrive at mom's aunt's assisted living apartment. Stand at doorway for 2 minutes before realizing that aunt is waving us in. Greetings ensue, followed by mom standing next to me saying, "can you tell she's mine?"
"Oh yes, and her brother looks like your uncle. He's a Smith."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I saw pictures and thought 'that boys a Smith.' He looks just like your uncle."
"Well, he doesn't look as much like Mom as I do, so that will make him happy." I have no idea if brother will be pleased or even care about this information, but feel the need to support this sharp woman in the red polka dot dress. Learn a lot about the family and Mom as they reminisce and tell stories of the past. Feel slightly jealous of Mom growing up with her aunt, cousins, grandmother, great-great-grandfather and great-great-aunt all on the same block. Wish this great-aunt of mine lived closer, as I enjoy her thoroughly. It is time to leave when topics of conversation are running out and my stomach is rumbling like a timpani drum. Make a mental note to ask Mom for a copy of the picture I took of her and the aunt.

2:40 p.m. - Introduce Mom to the Taco Bell spicy chicken crunchwrap supreme. It is delicious, though I fear it will mess with my fried chicken appetite.

3:15 p.m. - Stop at Mom's high school friend's house, but no one is home. A tad bit disappointed - I'm sure she would have told me some great stories of Mom as a teen. The best stories are those of one's parents as children.

5:45 p.m. - Sit down to a meal of grandma's fried chicken. Now that I've seen it done, I'm semi-confident I can replicate the process in my own kitchen. Silently lament the absense of corn on the cob and my inability to eat more than one chicken leg. They are the largest chicken legs I've ever seen. Grandma is insistent upon knowing if the her sons bought Purdue or Tyson chicken, since she knows they always liked Purdue better as kids. Facial expressions indicate neither has any clue, nor do they understand why it matters. One says Tyson while the other says Purdue. Grandma's poor hearing keeps her from comprehending either reply, and finally the satisfactory answer of Purdue chicken is given. Play several games of Euchre after dinner. Mom begrudginly plays 1 game, while Dad coaches from the side, then Dad takes over for game 2. Baby brother and I lose first game but capture a win in the second. Loss is blamed on my refraining from calling a loner while holding the ace, king, jack and 10 of trump and an off-suit ace. It's a team sport, I don't want to leave my partner out. Euchre is left for chocolate cream pie and the never ending battle of watching the Cubs game or the White Sox game. Neither team plays well.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

July 18 - Great Eastern Tour Day 2

Miles travelled: 0
Diet Cokes: 3
Money spent: 18 cents

1:17 a.m. - A great whoosh of sound awakes me, which I associate with the fact that the power has gone off. Power goes back on seconds later. I register there is a cat on the bed with me. Do not check to see if the cat is Comiske or Wrigley before falling back asleep.

7:40 a.m. - Try to ignore aunt and uncle pseudo-whispering in the kitchen. They are discussing what to do with the half a coconut cake Grandma made that no one will eat any more of. Can't throw it all in the garbage can because she might notice. Garbage disposal would be good, but they think I'm still asleep in the living room. Throw it out back in the yard somewhere? Wonder if I should point out that if the whole cake gets thrown out at once Grandma will inevitably notice and comment on what pigs we all must be for eating half a cake so quickly. Wonder how people who have dealt with Grandma far longer than me cannot think of these things.

8:25 a.m. - Get up to tell Dad where to find owner's manual for my car, and decide there's no longer any point trying to sleep. Dress to run. Hoping I can get a run in and do some work on the computer before people everyone else is up and active. Two minutes later Mom and brother get up. Marvel how brother can be up so early given he still has mono.

12:00 - Finish lunch, including a rousing discussion on the salt content of the ham Grandma sent over. Mom, aunt, brother and I head to several "party stores." Brother thinks we are going somewhere with fun party supplies and such. In actuality we are headed to several Christmas ornament/knick knack/card shops. Manage to spend aunt's $100 gift card, plus 18 cents. This is harder than it sounds at a discount christmas shop. After several trips back for more stuff, most of which we don't need, the four of us walk away with an array of candles, frames, mugs, stuffed animals, and decorations. My portion includes a picture frame (something I actually needed), a coffee mug for myself, a mug for a friend, Harry Potter stickers, and an ostrich Beanie Baby. Had no idea when I pointed out the hilarity of an ostrich Beanie Baby I would be required to walk out of the store with one. Continue on to the full price party shop. A new edition this year makes the trip worth while. Next to the Christmas village we've seen every year since the aunt moved to town is a new Halloween village. There are buttons to push. Noises are made. Lights go on. Doors open. It's an ADHD child's dream. I am completely sucked in.

3:30. - Dad and uncle sitting in lawn chairs randomly plunked into the front yard when we get back. Thinking back, I realize that every year we are here that is where Dad sets up a lawn chair, though I doubt he'd remember. As I run through the mental images, the hair color on both of them changes, but the chairs and location do not. Discover that in their yard sitting, the boys have forgotten to pick up their mother. Volunteer to drive out and get her. Brother accuses me of doing it merely as an excuse to drive Mom's car. Being kind, I choose not to argue with an invalid.

7:35 - Chat with grandma about the merits of her still owning a car. Several months ago the push was for her to keep it. Now we are trying to have her get rid of it. Mom and I have learned that transportation is availabe 7 days a week, thus leaving no reason to keep the car. The cost of the bus is less than she would spend in gas to drive anywhere. Appealing to Grandma's frugal nature is always a plus. Unconvincingly she says she'll probably give up the car when her insurance is up this November. The cynic in me thinks of how far away that is. Next is the topic of grandma's recent falling spells.
"I've seen the doctor but he can't seem to figure out what's wrong with me. I think it must be some kind of inner ear problem, but he doesn't know."
"Mom, did you tell him that your mother had vertigo?"
"Well, no, I didn't think of that."
Simultaneously, Mom and I slap our foreheads.
"Y'know my sister and her daughter have it too."
"Grandma, if your mom and sister both had it, there's a pretty good chance you do to. Maybe that's why you're falling so much. If you tell the doctor maybe he can help you better. We'd all really like it if you'd stop falling. I don't want any more phone calls that start with 'grandma fell again.'"
Can't believe the woman thinks she knows everything about medicine and didn't connect her mother's vertigo to her own recent issues.

9:00 - Ride in back end of Highlander sitting on top of golf clubs so we can drop Grandma off on the way to get ice cream. Pray that no stupid drivers cause us to come to a sudden stop, or I will probably be cut in half by the cover for the back end space. Safely deposit Grandma at home, crawl out of the back end, and go for ice cream. Peppermint crunch custard - yum.

July 17 - Great Eastern Tour Day 1

Miles travelled: 509
CDs:6
Tickets:1

5:56 a.m. - Pull out of apartment parking lot and point car towards Indiana. Equipped with directions, food, cell phone, and about 40 CDs. Elect to listen to morning radio show until out of service - it is the last time I will bother with radio stations until arriving in NY. Slightly bothered by the fact that my dashboard lights aren't working. Feels somewhat like driving in a cave, although the sun is starting to peak over the horizon.

7:19 a.m. - Curse my luck for arriving in St. Louis area right around rush hour. Pray feverishly to avoid sitting in traffic. Prayers are answered. Continue on, putting in the first CD of the trip, Goo Good Dolls.

10:06 - First stop of the trip. Am running out of gas and need to use the bathroom. Find myself almost missing Missouri when I see the gas prices in Illinois. Choose larger of the 2 gas stations, thinking it will increase my chances of finding a bathroom. Impressed by enormity of station - if necessary, I could buy spare parts for my car, bandaids, and coffee all in one shot. Make mental note to figure out where exactly I am so can use this stop in the future. Contemplate buying chicken strips from Arby's for lunch, then determine a Diet Coke and Combos from my car should suffice. One cannot have a good road trip without Combos.

11:26/12:26 - Realize I've gone into another time zone, and if I don't change my car clock will be perpetually confused as to the time. Now feel magically one hour closer to my destination.

1:35 - Meet Deputy Doug of the Indiana State Highway Patrol. Try to explain that I am afraid I've missed my road, therefore paying more attention to my directions, mileage, and road signs than my speed. Deputy Doug is unimpressed - he sees out-of-state plates and the opportunity to make himself a few extra bucks. After confirming the address on my license is my permanent address (why wouldn't it be?) proceeds to issue me a speeding citation for which he cannot tell me the cost. Must call court to find out cost. Silently curse my Missouri plates and the Indiana State Highway Patrol.

1:57 - Call court number to learn ticket cost. Continue to silently curse bad luck and justify my actions. If I was really travelling that much faster than surrounding traffic, I would have known and slowed down. Inform court officer that they really ought to print the ticket costs somewhere, instead of expecting someone to memorize the information from the phone.

2:50 - Arrive at aunt and uncle's house. Am informed that parents are stuck in construction on the other side of town. At least I missed that.

3:10 - New York contingent arrives. Run out to meet them, careful not to pounce on sickly younger brother. Travel, health, and grandma are discussed at length. Point out that younger brother looks fairly discolored to me.
"He's much better than he was," says Dad. "When he got out of your mom's black car, the difference between him and the car was striking."
"Think Bart Simpson," Mom tells me. "That's really what he looked like."
"And then the stupid woman at the hospital actually asked me why I was there," says brother.
Oh, so when you guys said yellow, you really weren't exagerating. Someone should have taken pictures.

4:10 - Pick up grandma from apartment. Miss the look of surprise on her face when realizing brother has come, as she was waiting at the door for us. Quickly tour her one bedroom apartment. Old family photos and fake flowers are all still in place. Grandma gives me house warming gift for my first apartment.
"I know you've lived there awhile now, but I wanted to get you something for your first apartment. I know it's not much. Sorry about the Christmas bag, but it's the only thing I had. I didn't get a special card, so there's just a plain one in there."
Card envelope has my full name on it, as if grandma has other granddaughters with different last names. Inside bag is lovely set of dishtowls, hand towels, dish scrubs and pot holders. They're very nice, and should clash well with my avacado green countertops.

6:30 - Sloppy joe's for dinner with corn on the cob. Contemplate skipping sloppy joe's altogether so there is more stomach space for corn, but figure that would lead to comment from grandma. There's plenty of time yet to get her worked up about something, better not start a debate on the first day. Manage to get sloppy joe on my pants. Decide I should stay away from foods that have "sloppy" in the title. Aunt was smart to keep her cooking apron on to eat.

10:35 - Attempt to do homework and check email. Dad left computer on all evening while family was talking, so laptop is dead within 5 minutes. Determine to get up early and do work while others are showering/sleeping. Will slog my way through some more Hemmingway before testing out the comfort of the living room hide-a-bed.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Hit the Road, Jack

The car is packed, the music is selected, and the directions have been printed. Tomorrow begins the best part of my summer - the great eastern tour, weeks where I live out of my car and drive around more easterly states spending time with those I love. There will familial fun with the clan in Indiana, gatherings of the roommates and the Screwballs in Kent, and of course, lots of time soaking in everything and everyone that rocks in New York. The excitement has me feeling like a kid on Christmas Eve - don't know how I'll sleep tonight.

For your viewing pleasure, I'm planning to keep a record of the adventure here in the blog, "stealing" a format from a writing project classmate. I loved the style when she started it, so I'm excited to try for myself. It gives me the chance to use a slightly different writing voice, and I think it lends itself well to documenting an extended trip. All the better to entertain you with.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Up and Down Day

These are all significant to life, but I'm too tired to extrapolate. Level of significance is indicated by number of symbols preceding words.

key: + is an up, - is a down

+ found a funny card for friend's birthday
- - newspaper seminar was not as useful as I'd hoped (day and a half left)
- miscalculated time to cook dinner
+ meal was savory and much enjoyed by guests
- - - first float trip ever cancelled
+ + + excited by plans made to add stuff to church activities next year
- - good colleague and friend got new job and won't be at school anymore
+ + another good friend may have job in town, not far away as feared

In other news, I'm really ready to be out of here and head east for awhile.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

See the cat? See the cradle?

Finished Cat's Cradle yesterday. Weird book. Good, but weird. Would definitely read more Vonnegut. Unexpected ending...it kind of just, ended. I nteresting theme running throughout though. Looking at how meaning is attached to things that really in essence are meaningless, or do not at all appear like what we want them to be. Almost as if we are forcing others to see and believe in the lies that we ourselves have chosen to support. "See the cat? See the cradle?" There's probably much more to be taken out of it, especially the ending, for those in a mind to do literary analysis. I, whoever, am not of such a mind. While it is enjoyable and intrigue to look for the point the author was getting at, reading good literature without analysis and symbolism forced upon me is also quite enjoyable. Maybe I'll look up what someone smarter than me thought Vonnegut was getting at.

Next will be taking on A Farewell to Arms. Decided I should give Hemmingway another shot. Read The Old Man and the Sea in high school, and hated it. Wanted the old man, and his sea, to die in the fiery depths of hell. Or at least just vanish so my time could be devoted to more interesting things. But, Hemmingway is another one of those "must read" authors, and very many of his other works are famous, and therefore I feel I should give him a fair go. Here's hoping he does better with war stories than boats.

Speaking of boats, saw the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie tonight. An all together different storytelling form than Vonnegut, but equally as enjoyable. Johnny Depp has a very girly, prancing run in the movie. If you haven't seen it yet, pay attention to the running, it's pretty entertaining. Don't want to give anything away for those who haven't seen it yet, so I'll just say it's quite fun. Good storytelling, it sucks you in. A lot more computer graphics than in the first one, which either enhances or detracts, depending on your perspective....kind of felt like it took away from the realism (well, as much realism as you can get in a movie about pirates). The ending...well, all I can safely say is there is an ending. Go see it, but if you haven't seen the first one in awhile, watch it first to "review" - you'll get more of the jokes that way. But as stories go, it's one worth spending your time on.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Sick as a Dog

Did you ever wonder where that phrase came from, "sick as a dog"? I looked it up, and got 2 slightly different answers. Both said the phrase dated back to the 17th century. One site said that since "dog" is also used in phrases with a negative connotation (dog wars, going to the dogs, dog tired) that it was meant to imply a negative connotation to being sick. The other site I looked at, which has a slightly cooler explanation, said that the phrase "sock as a dog" is a reference to how vehemently sick dogs get when they manage to eat something that doesn't agree with their system. Also, "sick" in Britain, implies vomitting, as opposed to how we view it here in the United States. Thus, "sick as a dog" essentially means being violently, vomitously ill. Don't you feel smarter now?

And why, you may be asking, did I look this up?

I was thinking of the phrase in reference to how sick my brother is, and so I became curious then as to what exactly the phrase meant. After finding the origin of meaning, however, I have determined that my brother is not as sick as a dog - he is sicker.

As I sit typing this, my baby brother is lying in a hospital bed with the worst case of mononucleosis I have ever heard of. Two days ago he had the coloring of a member of the Simpson family. This morning I learned that hepatitis does not necessarily mean type A, B, or C, but actually is a generic term for any time your liver is having severe problems. An important distinction to make when my family was informed he had mono with hepatitis. Now the infectious disease people think he may have pertussis (also known as whooping cough). Top it all off with the fact that he can't eat solid foods, and his head hurts so badly that the hum of the television makes it worse, and they can't even give him Tylenol because his liver won't metabolize it. At this point,the only thing that would be worse is if he literally was sick as a dog.

On a totally unrelated note, I have started reading Kurt Vonnegut's Cat's Cradle. I've never read any Vonnegut before, but I've heard of him, and always thought he was one of those authors whose writings one "should" read. So far, I'm enjoying it. The narrator is a member of a made-up religion that is based on lies, and he is exchanging letters with the midget son of one of the men responsible for inventing the atomic bomb. The formatting is really cool too. I'm a sucker for formatting, I think it can do a lot for the text. The chapters in Cat's Cradle are very short (sometimes less than a page). This to me is a reflection of the narrator's thoughts a short spurts. That may not be the intention, but it's the feeling I get when I read. As I get more involved in the book I'll let you know how it's going. We'll see what this Vonnegut guy's all about.

(sidenote: very proud of the number of links used in this post)

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Summer Time Blues

My last post prompted a few thought-provoking responses, and I think that has left me fearful to post again, since I don't feel at the moment I have much intelligent, passionate, or thought-provoking to say. I've also gotten out of the habit of writing on a regular basis now that my class has ended, which I would guess is also playing a role in the lack of post-age. Mostly, however, the lack of blogging is in direct correlation to the case of the "blahs" I've been battling.

I don't do well with being alone.

Not alone in the single sense; I think we've adequately covered my feelings on that. Alone in the living alone, no roommates, no-interaction-with-human-beings-I-know kind of alone. While I've come to enjoy many aspects of living alone (space for my stuff wherever, watching what I want on TV at anytime, playing my music loud and cleaning when I feel like it) I've also come to discover it has its drawbacks. The #1 drawback being a lack of human interaction in my life. I like having people around. I like having people to talk to and hang out with, or not talk to but merely have them as a presence. During the school year this need is very much fulfilled by the middle schools students who seem to require my attention every moment of the day - by the time I get home I'm thankful to have no one to talk to for a bit. In the summer, however, this is obviously not the case. Summers there is no one. Living alone is bad in the summer. Part of me wants to blame this on Missouri and say it's because my friendships here are different than those I hold with people back east. However, since I never lived alone during the summer when I was back east, it would probably be unfair to assume that (though when there are no obligations to be fulfilled here and a stretch of time with "nothing" lies before me, something in my gut is always urging me to pack up the car and point it toward the sunrise rather than stick around). So while I feel there could be truth in the Missouri factor, with nothing to compare it to we'll leave it be. Thus bringing me back to the point that summers, while living alone, are bad.

That's not to say I have zero human contact and interaction during my summer. This is not meant to be a "woe is me" tale on how I have nothing to do, and I know many of you would argue that isn't the case. There is stuff going on, this I know. And I cherish that stuff because without it I would go stark raving mad. But there is still a lot of time between the stuff. Take this weekend for example: Friday night was going to be an "alone" day, but I wound up going to hang out with some friends for a few hours. This turned about to be a blessing when the plans I'd had for Saturday fell through and thus spent the dayaround the apartment. Today: read a book and cleaned. Tomorrow: more reading, cooking, and a movie. If it weren't for the unexpected hang out on Friday and the unplanned movie that popped up for tomorrow I'd be fighting a serious person withdrawal by Tuesday's cookout. So there is stuff, but still a lot of "nothing" in between.

Most people would relish "nothing." They would love to have strings of days with nothing else to do but eat, use the bathroom, and sit around watching TV or reading. I am not one of those people. I know I need these 3 months off from teaching for the sake of my sanity and blood pressure, but I still want something to do. I cannot spend day upon day with no objective, no purpose, no accomplishment to achieve. I think this inability to really relax is hereditary - my father had the same disease while I was growing up.

So to recap:
Summer = nothing to do + too much alone time
Nothing to do = restless
Too much alone time = funk
Therefore: summer = restless funk

This equation is not constant. Other things can be added that outweigh 'nothing to do' and 'too much alone time,' changing the equivalent to summer.....just not this weekend.

On a sidenote, I mentioned a cookout on Tuesday. I'm having a little cookout here to celebrate the 4th of July before heading to the town's fireworks (complete with symphony). This will be my first planned group gathering (aka party) at my apartment here. I'm actually a little nervous. Being an OCD perfectionist I'm trying to make sure everything is planned, ready, and adequate. I've made sure there are enough side dishes in case no one brings anything. At this point, there are only 5-6 confirmed attendees, so I could wind up with a lot of leftovers. Better safe than sorry. Plus, I'm hoping more people will actually come and just haven't thought to reply....deep in my heart I'd be a little sad if my first planned party was such a tiny affair. Although it does beat being alone...

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Great-grandchildren

On Sunday my father informs me, "your grandmother would like to see her great-grandchildren before she dies." Excellent. Remind me not to call Grandma for awhile.

Don't get me wrong, I love my grandmother. And usually I can tolerate her syndrome where everything she thinks comes out her mouth without being processed through her brain first. This time, however, she is hitting too close to something that has currently been a hot button issue for me: significant others, relationships, and people's "need" for us all to have one.

When did it become a bad thing to be single? I like single, it works for me. There are many benefits to single: I have the time necessary to devote to my work, I can do whatever I feel like on a Saturday night, I don't have to juggle between my boyfriend and my friends - I can do whatever I want whenever I feel like it. Being single is independence, and I relish it. I don't really understand dependent people, just like I don't understand people who devote 110% percent of their time to their significant other, essentially cutting out their other friends from their life. When I made this point to my mother she said someday I would understand, and I told her I hope not. This is not to say that someday I would not like to find someone to share a relationship and a life with - but I hope I never become the kind of person that drops almost all communication and all time with friends in order to spend every free moment with that "special someone." I get mad at people who do that. In fact, I was recently very mad at a friend of mine for being a bad friend and (unintentionally) hurting a mutual friend of ours because my friend was so wrapped up in being with a significant other. It didn't really matter that I was treated as a bad friend - I have come to accept that the friendship I thought existed between us does not, and I will always get bad friend treatment. Our mutual friend, however, deserves better than that, and I was furious on their behalf for their feeling somewhat blown off because of the relationship our "bad" friend is in. It is unfathomable to me how you can do that. How do you turn away from the people who have been there for you through so many ups and downs because of someone who has been in your life for just a few months? How do you just stop spending time with people you enjoyed spending time with - if they haven't changed, why wouldn't you want that fun anymore? It is something I just can't understand, and as such, something I have never done. Perhaps this is part of what has ruined past relationships: I refuse to devote all my time to the relationship and give up every opportunity to be with my friends. Of course, I'll never know if that is true, as the only people who could tell me with authority will never be asked.

Somewhere in here I have digressed. Like I said, this is a hot button issue for me at the moment, which causes me to rant. The point is, there's nothing wrong with being single. If I'm happy, why not just be happy for me? Let's talk about what I do have in my life, instead of lamenting and plotting to get what I don't have.

I'm happy. I like my life. Be happy for me. Support the way I choose to live (ie. happy) - don't make me feel inadequate for not having the life you think I should.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Sounds like Looks like Feels like Reminds me of...

reaching to pull in something evaporated
the richness of colors in an autumn forrest
the warmth of an old afghan wrapped around me on a chilly evening
solitude

Sunday, June 25, 2006

A Pirate's Life

It's been a few days since I've written, which I don't feel bad about at all since I never said I would post daily. But, a few good and interesting things have happened in the past few days, so I'm going to share before life gets overwhelming and the details are forgotten.

Friday was mainly spent on human learning, reading about behaviorism. I hate behaviorism. Well, it's not so much that I hate it, as I don't see it as an valid all-encompassing learning theory. There is definitely some merit to operant conditioning, and probably even to classical conditioning. But I don't think it's the ONLY way that people learn. First of all, if you are a behaviorist (which my professor and the writer of the book claim to be) then you wouldn't write the book or assign it as reading with the belief that I will learn anything. According to behaviorism, I did not learn by reading those 2 lengthy chapters. There was not increase in any sort of target behavior due to my reading. In fact, other than the need to get up and walk about the apartment more often than necessary, there was really no change in my behavior at all due to the reading. Therefore, by behaviorist standards, I did not learn. That also means either I have inherent knowledge on the subject (something else behaviorist vehemently are against) or else something freaky was happening that caused me to ace the brief quiz on the readings, since I hadn't learned anything. Thus we come to my problem with behaviorism. True, learning can be indicated and even motivated by behavior. But I think it is also true that knowledge and learning is in part cognitive, otherwise no one should expect me to learn from a book or listening to a lecture. As a teacher I know that those 2 things alone don't lead to the most solid understanding and learning of information, but reading and listening don't count for nothing either. Would any of the behaviorists out there like to explain that to me? Didn't think so...

Once the evil behaviorist class work was done, it was on to more important things: preparing for the barbeque. The church held a send-off barbecue cook-off for our 2 priests who will be leaving us this week. In order for my pescaterian friend to be able to eat, we chose to cook a non-red meat: shrimp kabobs. Being potentially over-the-top in all things, we had a theme to go with our food, and thus "Baarg-B-Que" was born. In case you're unsure what that means, I will explain by saying that I spent the afternoon dressed as a pirate, serving tasty victuals, putting booty in our treasure chest, and handing out pirate stickers. I also managed to get a splendid sunburn in the process. It looks like it could be on its way to becoming a nice tan though, even if it does leave me with some serious tan lines.

To be fair, I must state that most of the nautical antics, and the shrimp kabobs that went in less than an hour, were not my doing. For that my friend must take the credit. Many of the cool things we found were due to the Friday night shopping "spree" through the party store, followed by staying up all night (and I mean all night as in no sleep until 6 am) drinking and sharing stories. I love listening to people's stories. I think the stories of a person's past can tell you so much about that person, more than they even realize. Learning about the events in someone's past helps you see who they are now, at least it does for me. I think in that regard it has always bothered me when people I've felt close to have not wanted to share their stories with me - it's like they don't want me to really know them. Thankfully this was not the case on Friday.

Due to the all-nighter on Friday, Saturday was spent sleeping. Three cheers for having no internal clock - let's hear it for 2 years of summer swing shifts! I occasionally feel jealous of people whose body automatically wakes them up around a certain time every day. Especially during the school year, it would probably make getting up for work a lot easier if my body just felt "now it is time to give up." But then days like Saturday come along, and I am eternally grateful for the capacity to sleep whenever my body is tired.

Sleeping all day Saturday helped shorten what would have otherwise been a long and agonizing wait for the Rascal Flatts concert on Saturday night. Still can't really believe I finally got to see them in concert... Several people have asked me how it was, and my best explanation is to say it was one of those moments you just never want to end. During one of the songs I remember standing there thinking, "this could go on forever, and I'd be quite all right. I never want to leave this moment." Sadly, it did end, and (for once) I don't even have pictures to prove it was real. But, at least I finally got to say them, and whatever negative comments you would like to make (I have suffered through a few in the past couple of days) it was well worth the money spent, and like everything that happened this weekend, I can't wait to do it again (with the exception of the behaviorism reading).