On Sunday my father informs me, "your grandmother would like to see her great-grandchildren before she dies." Excellent. Remind me not to call Grandma for awhile.
Don't get me wrong, I love my grandmother. And usually I can tolerate her syndrome where everything she thinks comes out her mouth without being processed through her brain first. This time, however, she is hitting too close to something that has currently been a hot button issue for me: significant others, relationships, and people's "need" for us all to have one.
When did it become a bad thing to be single? I like single, it works for me. There are many benefits to single: I have the time necessary to devote to my work, I can do whatever I feel like on a Saturday night, I don't have to juggle between my boyfriend and my friends - I can do whatever I want whenever I feel like it. Being single is independence, and I relish it. I don't really understand dependent people, just like I don't understand people who devote 110% percent of their time to their significant other, essentially cutting out their other friends from their life. When I made this point to my mother she said someday I would understand, and I told her I hope not. This is not to say that someday I would not like to find someone to share a relationship and a life with - but I hope I never become the kind of person that drops almost all communication and all time with friends in order to spend every free moment with that "special someone." I get mad at people who do that. In fact, I was recently very mad at a friend of mine for being a bad friend and (unintentionally) hurting a mutual friend of ours because my friend was so wrapped up in being with a significant other. It didn't really matter that I was treated as a bad friend - I have come to accept that the friendship I thought existed between us does not, and I will always get bad friend treatment. Our mutual friend, however, deserves better than that, and I was furious on their behalf for their feeling somewhat blown off because of the relationship our "bad" friend is in. It is unfathomable to me how you can do that. How do you turn away from the people who have been there for you through so many ups and downs because of someone who has been in your life for just a few months? How do you just stop spending time with people you enjoyed spending time with - if they haven't changed, why wouldn't you want that fun anymore? It is something I just can't understand, and as such, something I have never done. Perhaps this is part of what has ruined past relationships: I refuse to devote all my time to the relationship and give up every opportunity to be with my friends. Of course, I'll never know if that is true, as the only people who could tell me with authority will never be asked.
Somewhere in here I have digressed. Like I said, this is a hot button issue for me at the moment, which causes me to rant. The point is, there's nothing wrong with being single. If I'm happy, why not just be happy for me? Let's talk about what I do have in my life, instead of lamenting and plotting to get what I don't have.
I'm happy. I like my life. Be happy for me. Support the way I choose to live (ie. happy) - don't make me feel inadequate for not having the life you think I should.
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4 comments:
Ouch. Talk about a hot button. The point is, did you choose to be single, or is it just a consequence of your circumstances of life right now?
Don't forget that I love you, and, unfortunately, you learned your "I can have friends and be in a relationship, too" from me. That doesn't mean you can't consider the person you are in a relationship with when you want to be with your friends. That's what I meant when I said some day you would understand.
Ouch. Talk about a hot button. The point is, did you choose to be single, or is it just a consequence of your circumstances of life right now?
Don't forget that I love you, and, unfortunately, you learned your "I can have friends and be in a relationship, too" from me. That doesn't mean you can't consider the person you are in a relationship with when you want to be with your friends. That's what I meant when I said some day you would understand.
I know we don't agree on much, but we agree on this. People who shut out all the people that were there before their boyfriend/girlfriend are fools. My friends and I were recently forced out of a friends life, and in turn we've cut him out of ours. Some people just don't understand how stupid that is.
But single or not, who cares. We don't all need to get married at 19, 20, or 21. Sure, some still do, but there's no point in forcing it. That's how half of all marriages end in divorce.
Nice idea with this site its better than most of the rubbish I come across.
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